Report of the
NebCorp Electoral Commission
in conjunction with the
NebCorp Medical Corps
under the auspices of
A general technique for measuring penis size:
with specific applications to pleasureability, manliness
and the Presidency of the year 2000.
Ash Markton -- Cog, Elmhurst, IL, 60126
Winston F. Pratt -- Cog, Chicago, IL, 60630
The outcome of the United States Presidential Election of the year 2000 was determined by a difference of several hundred votes in one state. Such a situation unduly concentrated voters' perceived sense of power into a small and insignificant region of the nation. The tested Electoral system has failed to promote a uniform sense of futility throughout the nation's electorate. Thus a new metric has been developed which will more accurately settle which candidate should rightfully rise to the position of President of the United States of America as a result of the November 2000 election.
A measurement of Presidential Value shall be taken of each candidate's erect penis. As it is easier to obtain measurements of circumference rather than radius, all volumetric formulae have been re-written in terms of circumference. Secondly, an accurate measurement shall be taken of each candidate's height. We are interested in proportional penis size rather than absolute penis size.
The authors would like to thank the participants of IRC CogNet channel #uiuc for discussion leading to the research and developement culminating in this paper.